It’s Friday, peak of the week for me personally! I have been so sick the last few weeks but this morning I felt a burst of energy so i’m here back writing this blog that i actually finished yesterday but hey Mercury Retrograde decided to delete it for me so this is round 2! Last year i actually managed to wipe every single photo i’d ever stored on my laptop, which was monumentally shit so this isn’t too bad in hindsight!
I haven’t always been a very positive person, in fact i was bloody miserable when i was younger. I struggled with my image, who i was, all those hormones, boys, girls – lord you name it i was worrying about it. I was in and out of relationships and feeling the weight on my shoulders in amongst the happiness.
But if i think about one moment that really rocked my foundations it was in August 2016… I was in a deeply, deeply negative relationship. By August 2016 i had lost my love, i had lost the relationship i’d had with most of my family and i had lost my faith (i was a deeply religious Christian at this time). In the space of a few months i went from everything to absolutely nothing – i was a mess.
I was watching this documentary the other day on Netflix – ‘Heal’ – have you seen it? It’s worth a watch. There was a doctor on the documentary Dr Bruce Lipton who said ‘biological organisms adapt their biology to fit into their environment… by my ability to change my environment and my ability to change my percetion of my envrinment i have the ability to control my genetic activity’.
Why is this such a cool piece of science and how is it relevant to my story? Because…. what Dr Lipton says is that no matter what is happening in our body, whether it’s stress or disease heartache – we have the power merely through changing our environment or our perception of our environment to heal our bodies and remove that disease/stress. Just by thinking about how we want to heal…. no fancy medicines, no need to take, chew, ingest anything – just your thoughts. Yes… even with disease. He wrote a book called The Biology of Belief if you want to check it out.
So here i am August 2016, crying once more into my pillow about a stupid boy and i realised i needed to do something about this. So i started going to therapy. One of the things that i learnt very, very quickly, which i think is very hard for us to come to terms with, is that WE are the route cause of most of the unhappiness in our life. I’m not suggesting for one moment that if someone is being a shit to you that it’s your fault – of course not, but what i am suggesting is that YOU (as me as i was in this situation!) let that person treat you like that. Where are your boundaries? Where is your self-love? Where is your ability to say – hold on a second i deserve more than this!
This is when i started with the daily affirmations for myself – something like…
‘you are strong, you are powerful, you are valued, you are divinity, you are enough, you are loved, you are beautiful, you are inspiring, you are kind, you are generous…..’
Over time i built this up to standing in front of my mirror in the morning and saying ‘i love you’. It sounds bloody stupid – but it works i promise you! Some days it feels like a struggle, some days you feel terrible and don’t want to say anything nice to yourself but these are the days you have to work extra hard. Over time this mentality, this positive thinking physically changes the make up of your brain by re-wiring itself of forming new pathways!
So how can you start to bring a bit more positivity into your life?
- Be kind to yourself – instead of saying ‘well that was shit’ if you do something wrong, why don’t you say – how can i do that again? Instead of beating yourself up over a failed relationship or a project that didn’t go well – why don’t you try and look at the reasons it went wrong and how you could change it in the future?
- Take a step back – as with the above example, the best way to be positive is to break each experience down and find the positive in it!
- Surround yourself with positive people – if you give people an opportunity to moan, believe me they will! So surround yourself with people who feel the same as you – it’s not about never having a moan, it’s knowing when to moan and when to pull it toghether again!
- Take care of yourself – positivity starts and ends with you. If you are not taking care of your body then what chance does your mind have?
- Love yourself – this is such age old advice but advice that i only really learnt over the last 3 years. It’s really true that the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life so if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect others to be on the same page as you?
- Believe in yourself – you need to be your biggest advocate. Get on board with what you’re doing, what you want to do and make sure you rally yourself around it!
Positivity in your life starts and ends with you. Not everything that is going to come to you is going to be positive – health, stress, work, relationships, cities, life… it’s all going to get in the way. But the more that you work on training your brain to see the positive sides of life, the more you will be able to do it on reflex.
I offer coaching for women on all sorts of things – from identity, to careers, getting back to work after having children and a spiritual healing such as reiki, meditation and oracle and tarot readings. If you would like to book in a session then please contact me.