Every day we’re faced with a thousand and one things that we need to make decisions on; whether in our personal lives or at work. So how do you learn to make decisions and feel comfortable enough to stick with them?
Why do we choose not to make decisions?
Making decisions for all of us can feel incredibly difficult at times. Our minds can become filled with self-doubt and insecurity. The main reasons we choose not to make decisions are usually because:
- We feel insecure and filled with self-doubt
- The decision may take us down a path that we don’t feel ready for
- We aren’t confident in our own ability or voice
- It’s easier to make a different decision rather than the one we want because we don’t want to rock the boat
- We don’t want to be seen or heard
The reason i go back to identity as the core of what i do here at Diosa Coaching is because i believe that once you know yourself fully, every decision becomes 10x easier to make.
Why is identity so important for decision making?
Knowing who you are sets the foundation for every single decision that you make. When making decisions you need to ask yourself the following:
- Does this serve me?
- Does this align to my values and beliefs?
- Am i going to grow by making this decision?
- Does this decision make me feel good?
- Even if this is a difficult decision does it align to my vision/goals?
The moment you understand yourself fully – decisions become a lot easier to make
How to lay the foundation for your decisions
I’d like you to write you name on a piece of paper and ask yourself the following questions
- What do i feel when i see my name on a piece of paper?
- What do i want people to see when they see me?
- What do i want people to know about me?
- What are my most redeeming qualities?
- What are my skills?
- How do i live my life, do i show this in all of my actions?
- What is something i want to change about myself?
- What are my values?
- What are the beliefs i hold about myself?
Now let’s have a think about a decision you need to make
Let’s think about a decision that you have to make. Do you want a new job? Do you want to get into a new relationship? Do you want to move country? Do you want to have a child? Do you want to go back to work?
Now i want you to think about the following:
- Is this decision going to align with the life that you have/want?
- Is it going to make you happy – whether now or in the future?
- Is it going to develop your skills?
- Is it aligned with your values and beliefs?
- Does it align with your sense of self?
- Does it show people an extension of yourself?
The most important thing about making decisions is that it helps you develop your sense of self. If you make a decision that is not aligned to YOU then you are going to feel shitty about it, whether now or in the future.
E.g – say you get offered a new job. The job seems wonderful, it’s going to help with developing your skills, your status and your experience. However, it is also in a huge corporation where you may feel a bit lost, that a lot of your role is going to be perscribed and you don’t have the autonomy to make decisions – when you know that what’s important to you is creativity and the need to feel supported.
To start with this job will be wonderful – your experience will grow and your skills will be developed in some areas. However, over time you may feel that your voice isn’t heard and you are going to feel frustrated that you don’t have enough creativity in your role.
So think to yourself – is this a permanent contract? Is this a short term contract where i can get this company/experience on my CV that will help me get the job i really want? Is there other things in the job that will outweigh the need i have to have the creativity? Is there something in the company that i can do as extra to help me feel more supported?
Because if you can find within that situation justification as to whether it would be a good move then perhaps it’s a good move – however, if you think about it and you know that you’re going to feel frustrated, lost and your creative sparkle is diminished then it’s not the right role for you.
E.g. you’re about to get into a new relationship. The person is wonderful – they make you feel so happy. However, they have very different views to you on the world around you, they want to move to X and you want to stay in Y, they have very different views to you on children etc.
Then think to yourself – is this person aligned to my values and beliefs? If they aren’t, are the things we differ on really important to me? Do you feel heard, supported and loved no matter what difficulties come about? Because in some areas of a relationship you are going to differ – of course you are, you’re two completely seperate people! But in the areas that really mean something to you are you aligned?